MVP: Tim Duncan

1st Team
G: Steve Nash
G: Kobe Bryant
F: Tim Duncan
F: Kevin Garnett
C: Shaquille O’Neal

2nd Team
G: Jason Kidd
G: Allen Iverson
F: LeBron James
F: Dirk Nowitzki
C: Ben Wallace

3rd Team
G: Dwayne Wade
G/F: Tracy McGrady
G/F: Paul Pierce
F: Chris Webber
C: Dwight Howard

Honorable Mention: Chauncey Billups, Yao Ming, Gary Payton, Dikembe Mutombo, Chris Paul, Amare Stoudemire

I REALLY HATE A LOT ABOUT ORANGE COUNTY!!!

Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot of redeeming values to Orange County, which is probably why I haven’t abandoned ship quite yet, but as I was sitting at a four-way-stop and almost witnessed four different accidents because of rude or just plain dumb Orange County drivers I got mad. Real Mad. And I started thinking about of the things like dumb drivers that I hate.

Well I decided to start a sort of “series” where I rant about these things and I will try to remember and update you with the things that have caught my attention.

So without further delay here is the first of many THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (Orange County):

#1 Insane Soccer Moms:

Now maybe this is more of a problem out here where I live in Yorba Linda, but I’m pretty sure we’ve all had the pleasure of witnessing or coming across one of these lovely ladies menacing around in their mini vans, SUVs, or ridiculously lifted trucks wreaking havoc on and off the road just so that they can get little Jimmy and Suzie to soccer practice, tae kwon do, etc.

I’m sure these ladies have a pretty hard life trying to make their children happy, but I’d rather not be disrespected or almost killed on a daily basis by them. I’m also a fond believer of adults acting like adults in situations where there may be a conflict.

You might be reading this thinking “Sean… aren’t you being a little dramatic about these women?”

To which my answer would be…  No. You are stupid and I am of course far superior and right when it comes to this subject matter.

Don’t believe me that these women suck? Well how about these little gems I found:

Lady Calls 911 Over Wrong Burger King Order (Laguna Niguel)

Woman A can’t park her SUV and Woman B confronts her about it. (Google Building, Irvine)

It’s sad to think that these women are raising the future of the world, our country, and this county…

Looks like the Mayans were right… the world is going to end very very soon.

Pentagon says Chinese vessels harassed U.S. ship: The funniest detail?  “Because the vessels’ intentions were not known, Impeccable sprayed its fire hoses at one of the vessels in order to protect itself,” the statement said. “The Chinese crewmembers disrobed to their underwear and continued closing to within 25 feet.” I believe this constitutes a drunken frat party.

(Video) Obama does a little dance for Ted Kennedy: Obama shakes it at a belated birthday celebration for Kennedy, who’s being treated for brain cancer.  I’ve seen Obama dance.  NEXT!

Meghan McCain calls Coulter ‘offensive’ and ‘insulting’: Is Meghan McCoulter the voice of reason for the GOP or just a Democrat at heart?

America becoming less Christian: We’re becoming a secular socialist state!  Lyndon LaRouche was right!  I mean…Glenn Beck was right!

Update…Friday afternoon: I went to a general Yelp event in Newport.  Free whale watching!  Saw one whale far out and lots of dolphins up close.  Hung out with a Yelp buddie on the boat.  Result: Cold, but fun!

Friday’s softball game: a group of n’er-do-wells (Damon, Megan, me, Niko, Meghan, Sean, and others) played a classification game to place the team in the right “class” or “division” for the regular season.  We were matched up with a veteran team that has played together for 15 years.  Result: we lost by 19-3.  Good news: we had fun and we’re looking forward to playing teams at our level.  Next week: our first regular season game, hopefully against a comparable team.

Saturday: I got my tuba back from the repair shop.  It got a chemical bath/cleaning, repaired dents, new parts (felts, pads, corks), and new lubricants (hehe).  It feels like new and plays so well now.  Cost: about $300.  Justification: I’ve never brought the instrument in for maintenance ever since my parents bought it used in high school.

Saturday night: Damon, Megan, and I went to two Boomers to practice batting.  The FV Boomers sucks.  It has only 4 cages of slowpitch softball and 2 of them were working when we got there.  Soon after, those 2 broke as well.  Onto to the Irvine Boomers, which featured cages named after Tim Salmon.  These cages were far above and beyond.  Every machine can do both baseball and softball.  Results: Megan improved and got a few good line drives, Damon hits better with a heavier and longer bat, and I almost got killed in the 80 mph baseball cage.

Sunday night at Silky’s: Megan, her mom, and I entered the Silky Sullivan’s Chili Cookoff for the first time.  I didn’t enjoy having to serve my chili to people.  I wanted to eat, dagnamit!  I felt like a lunch lady (no offense).  Result: I left before awards, but I got a free t-shirt and two Silky’s coupons for food.  Note to self: don’t enter cookoff next time.  Just eat.

Sunday night at Blue Cafe: Saw Thought Police perform again.  I took pictures again, but tried to incorporate more instruments with the performers.  Also, tried more wide angle shots.  Results: Really dug some new song arrangements and pictures came out more blurry.  Damn their low lighting.

Listen you motherfuckers: YOU CREATED THIS DEFICIT!!!  I literally yelled at my car radio.  Motherfucking GOP is suddenly believing in balanced budgets NOW???  Look, the GOP controlled most of the federal government in the past 6 of the 8 years and did they balance the budget?  FUCK NO.  Did they follow their own mantra and decrease government spending?  FUCK NO.  In fact, spending went up!  Tax revenues went down!  Voila!  DEFICIT.  You motherfuckers.

The GOP has lost all credibility on the economy.  I mean…what were they thinking?  Tax cuts plus increased spending?  What did they expect to happen?  Check out this graph comparing government expenses and revenue.  WTF!  2000 to 2006 spending went up despite Bush in the White House and the GOP controlling the House.  Where’s your fiscal conservatism, assholes?  Oh, wait, you people were too busy jacking off to the Bush tax cuts!

Every time I hear a Republican congressperson bringing on the whaaaaambulance about the deficit, it makes my blood boil.  Pres. Obama is trying to clean up your motherfucking mess and you’re criticizing the way he’s cleaning up your massive heap of shit you laid?  Really, assholes?

Listen up, GOP shitheads.  You got bitch-slapped in the last election.  The American people realized you have no guts to actually believe in your own philosophy when it really mattered.  STFU.

Chris, what do you have to say about this?

So I went to Wikipedia and I found that some people can’t seem to define hipster philosophy either.

Elise Thompson, an editor for the LA blog LAist argues that “people who came of age in the 70s and 80s punk rock movement seem to universally hate ‘hipsters’”, which she defines as people wearing “expensive ‘alternative’ fashion[s]“, going to the “latest, coolest, hippest bar…[and] listen[ing] to the latest, coolest, hippest band.” Thompson argues that hipsters “… don’t seem to subscribe to any particular philosophy… [or] …particular genre of music.” Instead, she argues that they are “soldiers of fortune of style” who take up whatever is popular and in style, “appropriat[ing] the style[s]” of past countercultural movements such as punk, while “discard[ing] everything that the style stood for.”^[9]

Wow, that’s harsh.  I think for the most part, hipsters do incorporate some philosophy.  It’s like hipsters are the SparkNotes of the various youth and young adults movements of the last half of 20th century–an amalgamation of hippie, yuppie, indie, and beatnik without much devotion to a particular movement.  Here’s a breakdown…

1. Hippie: Hates war and most people in power.
2. Yuppie: Wants money and expensive stuff, like iPods.
3. Indie: Embraces the indie music and film culture.
4. Beatnik: Likes art and artists in general, including Warhol-style pop art.

I should probably add elitist to that too.  “Oh, you like [popular alternative rock band here]?  I liked them when they just started 10 years ago when I was their only fan.”

Another question: Is Bach a hipster?   He’s getting close.  Which leads me to think there are different levels of hipster status.

Level 1: Wears “ironic” shirts, usually from Threadless.com

Level 2: Add super tight jeans and listens to alternative music and independent rock while rejecting similar sounding, but very popular groups.

Level 3: Add old-school type shoes and hoodie.  Sports a 1960s style hairdo.  Rejects commercial radio and embraces public radio.  Drinks old American swill beer (i.e. Pabst).

Level 4: Adds some plaid shirts into the wardrobe, black rim glasses, and maybe a mustache.  Starts a organic, vegetarian diet.

Level 5: Commits to tattoos, like a bold star on the wrist.  Can be seen riding a fixed-gear bike.  Lives in a urban neighborhood.

Bach’s at Level 2…maybe 2.5.